living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
