"it" just moved
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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