sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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