i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
