Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
