You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
