just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
