are you so shy because you have an std?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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