I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize