what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
