it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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