I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
