Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
