I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
