wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
