I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
