Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
