I've blown a few things in my day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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