No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
