My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
