I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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