So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
