I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
