Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
