Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
