she was so not down for the gang bang
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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