the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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