hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
