id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
