sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
