Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
