Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
