i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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