I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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