i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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