I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
