i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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