I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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