I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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