So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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