Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
