He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
