gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
