just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
