I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had hair everywhere except his balls
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
