i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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