i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
