he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
