He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
