if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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