either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
