Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
