Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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