Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
