garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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