shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
