I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
