your thong is hanging out like whoa
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
