his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
how drunk are you?
Several
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
