I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
