Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
