WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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