im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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