I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
