It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
