i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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