So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
