I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
