Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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