Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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