Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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