sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
