Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
