Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
