we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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